The Monster in You.

#TMIY

When a friend of mine asked me my opinion about this thing “ The Monster in You”; I told her I would get back to her by the end of the day. Well, that day was a long bad day and I just slipped that thought into a never-coming future. My mind has these very peculiar things running inside it and I was mentally not free enough to give attention to “The Monster in You”.

The past couple of months, I kept complaining about the way things were going on in my life and that is all I was doing. I did nothing. I did nothing to resolve the issues that were making me constantly grumpy. I don’t know how to describe it and I don’t know that I will ever find ways to describe it. I didn’t know how to cope with the things that made me miserable. Days went by and I was suffering alone.

Why?

Because someone inside me wants to share nothing. I guess that’s the monster in me.

That someone inside me is always pulling me back when I want to share my pain. Just like the virus mutates, the monster in me, which is eating me alive, started mutating. I can name them for you. Here we go, we can call them anxiety, irritability, stress, and oh! oh! this one’s my favorite- “insomnia”. These are the monsters that reside in me that make me a bad person.

Wait, I let them make me a bad person.

I wasn’t ready to accept that fact.

A felony isn’t the only thing that makes you a bad person or a monster. An individual self that isn’t capable of trying to make themselves better is also a monster. I don’t know I am just blabbering here but hey..the trauma is true and the pain is real. I might not be specific here but all I can say is that there’s a monster in every single person. We can’t just kill it right away but we can take help right? We can take help to sabotage that little bastard inside us..right?

It's an ugly fight. You don't need to fight this alone.

People who love you can be your sword.

They can be your army, if you let them.

I am trying.

I am healing.

I am trying, sharing.

#TMIY#Share#heal.

Comments

NOT-A-DAMN-THING.

So yeah! After a gigantic gap, here I am with absolutely nothing. Hmm. Where to start? Where to start?? Well, we’ll start from the beginning — a very good place to start. Over the years, I’ve been asked why I stopped writing. I was told that if you’re preaching something, you’d better be doing it first. I know. What a moron! I’m 26 now. Time is a very cruel thing. I feel 19, but I’m 26, and my body seems to be functioning like 58 , while my health feels closer to 70. I’m now scared of everything. No longer the baddie on the street — just bad at everything. Enough of the self- loathing, though. But damn, I’ve become good at it. I always was. Why am I writing this? No idea. What is this about? NOTHING. I’ve been watching Seinfeld and Gilmore Girls on repeat lately. I stopped writing altogether. No journals, no blogs, no captions, and definitely no late- night quotes in my notes. Not writing felt like Jess screaming. And for everyone asking about it, my response would be something like:...

Where I belong.

Where I belong. I didn't realize that I had to run To find a place to call it mine, To call it home. My heart was racing faster than my legs. Out I was right into the woods, Right into the darkness, Right into the horizon. Wandering with a map and a compass. I wanted to walk but my legs wanted to run.. I was wandering, running and searching to a place where I belong I was in search of a better place, better space but all I got was a bitter fall on my face. I got up. I'm afraid that I would run far far far away towards the North searching for a place where I belong. But I ended up realizing the road is my home and that's where I belong.

Let's just focus..

Hey there, what up people! So, yesterday when I was busy scrolling the feed on my insta , I heard someone on the reels sing: " I'm mad at 20-20, the Virus scared me!" She was really mad, trust me. 2020. Mhmm. People said the virus was scary. I am afraid of people more than the virus. 2020 is not the worst year. But sure as hell it did have its share of good and bad happenings. Grateful for all the good things that happened. Felt a bit sad and still recovering from the sad bad things. But, Isn't it the routine every year? I know 2020 has brought death near to us but let's get real. 2020 is just “ karma doing it's work ”. If only in the early 2000's we weren't that leeches sucking life out of nature and insane homosapeins taking wild weird decisions of eating bats, assaulting other earthlings and basically being human of the modern era; cards would have been different. Half the population would be in Vegas gambling and the other half would be cringing...

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