P!nK BoW

So yeah! After a gigantic gap, here I am with absolutely nothing. Hmm. Where to start? Where to start?? Well, we’ll start from the beginning — a very good place to start. Over the years, I’ve been asked why I stopped writing. I was told that if you’re preaching something, you’d better be doing it first. I know. What a moron! I’m 26 now. Time is a very cruel thing. I feel 19, but I’m 26, and my body seems to be functioning like 58 , while my health feels closer to 70. I’m now scared of everything. No longer the baddie on the street — just bad at everything. Enough of the self- loathing, though. But damn, I’ve become good at it. I always was. Why am I writing this? No idea. What is this about? NOTHING. I’ve been watching Seinfeld and Gilmore Girls on repeat lately. I stopped writing altogether. No journals, no blogs, no captions, and definitely no late- night quotes in my notes. Not writing felt like Jess screaming. And for everyone asking about it, my response would be something like:...

Not a grammar Nazi, definitely not some dictionary worm so it's safe to say that I create my own meanings for words that are simple yet complex. You see, I don't know how to write because my sentences are longer than my hair. That makes sense to my friends. All things apart, lately I've been lazy. Stagnated. Wandering through the apps on my phone, I always end up scrolling through Instagram. I read a post and it goes like this. "Who is a selfish human being?" The thing that attracted me is the word "human being." As I said I am not a dictionary person. I just make up my own meanings. All along that word is just screaming for us to be human. You need not be a perfect person doing your taxes and having a proper routine in life. You need not whoop your ass just because you are not being your adventurous self. You can just try and be anything or nothing. Make sure that your choice is something that only affects you and not everyone around you. Because in th...

I've been to the office three times and I'd love it if robots work for me.  I prefer to work from home but my manager wants me physically present there so he can actually.. I don't know why he's calling.  So coming back to the point, I don't have problems with Robots. No, seriously. Why would I ever have a rivalry with electronic parts fixed right and tight? Right? Well, robo, you take over my job but give me the salary. What do you do with the salary? Eat boorgir? No, right. I go eat Burger. Or ‌Pasta Or ‌Tiramisu. Or ‌Biryani. I have options. Bro frankly speaking with our salary, I wear clothes from H&M that my sister buys me and the fossil watch my uncle gifted me and I drive dad's car, go to Starbucks just for the birthday month free drink. So basically you understand the bank account statistics no bro. Me to the Robots: Kaam tu karega Mein paise udayega! Simple. The machine takes over this woman. No more bashing artificial intelligence. I am all in for ...

I'll be 23 in 70 hours. Uggh! I like being 22. I can do things claiming that I'll never be 22 and damn Taylor Swift's song.  So here is what it is, I have 70 hours. What can I do with the last 70 hours of my 22?! Maybe go out and be more broke? No. Don't go there. Sit and watch friends again? That's doable. But that's the routine. Work? Yeah right, walked right into that one didn't we 😂. FYI that was sarcasm. Give me a break. I'm transitioning into 23. I have no clue. So be kind. Grateful for the things that happened this year. I read a quote, " At the end of the day, no one is responsible for your happiness" and it hit hard.  I did a few mistakes. Made some mess. But everything was mine. I made decisions and I don't regret them because those things made me happy and I want to be happy. To all the messy and all the heartfelt decisions - cheers! To a dramatic life and being the main character of my life - cheers! To own my body and the fla...

My very sole purpose for working in the IT industry is the 9 to 6 working hours, Hyderabad location, and the weekend off. To be honest the work from home is like donuts on a low sugar day. Imagine that delicious donut is being taken away from you. Like dude. You shouldn't get in between me and my desserts. That's nature's law. I wake up, do my thing, attend my scrum call and then gaze into the unknown. My father keeps saying that I need to have breakfast every day early in the morning and not brunch. So what do I do? I have brunch every day. By the time, I finish gazing into the wall or some woodwork in my home, it's time to get Mommie home. So what do I do? Go straight to the fridge, get the chocolate to eat, and take the keys to get mommy. And by now it must be 5:00 pm and usually my friends at the office would call if they are free and we would wonder when will my Mommie get me coffee. So after the coffee break, I stare at the time on the bottom right of my laptop sc...

How do we know that it's for us? Any kind of love or affection. There's been a time when the whole package of every emotion was directed right by me to the person next to me. So why in the world would I believe now that there's a better package with my name on it? Why would I accept it now? Well, acceptance is a long way. Why would I acknowledge it? I didn't get the things when I wanted. I got some things when I was grieving. I got some better when I was in denial. In conclusion without any mistake of mine, fate or destiny or some kind of positive energy sent all its love, and affection to me, I missed it. How was I supposed to know that was for me. How was I supposed to be sure that this wouldn't hurt? How am I now supposed to be okay with the fact that there might never be something like that ..that I've been offered? Who do I blame? Universe? Fine. Screw you, universe. God? Fine, Goodbye God. Lucifer? Well, he minds his damn business. So no. Maybe I just sit...

Lately, I have been lazy. I wanted to step out of my room and I found myself on the terrace. I was just walking and leaned over the rail. I saw a toddler in a blue t-shirt trying to get away from her sister's hold. Whenever she tried to get away, the elder one was running behind to hold her to make sure she isn't going to fall. I saw a cute dog on the grill of a balcony. It was really cute. Sitting there having no worries, staring at the beautiful sunset and green trees. I turned to my left and noticed the apartment name of the building that was there for like 6 months. I saw a grandpa walking and his grandson annoying him. He gently opened the door and let the grandson into the house and he went inside. Ee sodi antha enduku antara. Vinandi. Patience lekunda potundi mik. So what ante. When we are young we never really have to care about anything. A dog can just sit and I called it cute. No efforts. No thinking. No boundaries. Thinking and lining boundaries are what makes us hu...

I hate that we have only 24 hours a day. Internally screaming that 24 hours ain't enough! I need more. We need more. The concept of 24 hours a day and 12 months a year is crazy. Some crazy-ass person wanted 24 hours a day and here we are.  He wanted 12 months with specific names and we have May.  Who names a month May?!  Like dude!  May what! May-be or May never. I wanted different names for months.  Instead of September maybe sea timber 😂  (That's my birthday month y'all. Seatimber.)  I guess July doesn't suck that much right. I don't know. If I had to, I would come up with better names. Who the hell set these days and hours and weeks. What if there were 32 hours and 52 months? And people with damn high IQ, yes, we would work only for 9 hours even if he have 32 hours. You dumb-ass , the whole point of extra hours is more time for Spotify and Netflix and keeping up with the Kardarshians. We would get older later. We would actually crave and miss our b...

So no one told you life was gonna be this way! Your job's a joke, you're broke Your love life's DOA. Ikr. It's like you're always stuck in second gear. When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month Or even your year, but... My job's a joke and I'm always broke. It's hilarious to even pen that damn thing down. I work. Lol. So continuing with the but over there, it's late at night and my mind has this crazy idea. What if there's a policy in every company that would cover all the food cravings. Like Craving's claim. Kinda gross but listen. I scroll through my Instagram and find this amazing Mac and cheese. I go to youtube and there are ads about McD and KFC. And here is the nightmare! Dah-tada-dah! Zomato notifications. I mean I would be all whining about life with myself and this guy is sending me notifications like, " Nak telusu. Nen unanu. Biryani order cheyandi 50% off pondandi. " Like bro. Bokka telusu niku. Bokka unav n...

Home was mom's womb. Home was a place away from school. Home was walking away. Home was the empty roads and bushy trees. Home was to confide in my best friend. Home was winter. Home was spring. Home was a cold breeze in summer. While I sit here reminiscing about home, I wonder when will I ever call "me" home? While I sit and wonder with the stars, When will I replace the "was" with "is" Because I am in desperate need of sleep. Of all the houses and warm places, I call home I wish the one I fail to recognize doesn't close the door just because I'm late to knock on it. Okay this goes on and on and on but you Drink more water macha.

When I was folding the laundry. To be precise.. Masthu kaali unde battalu martestunde. So yeah, I was wondering what if the only clothes we have for the month are in our backpack! What if all the emotions we feel are carefully packed in Spotify and injected into us via earphones every now and then, when the breeze hits the face! What if all the hot coffee or chai you have is not on a lazy Sunday in your bed but with a beautiful green view! The strong caffeine smell or the boiling bliss of chai-patti on the hilltop! What if the only thing that runs is your bike and not your mind! What if the roar of the bike excites your heart not just some century from Virat or a groundbreaking goal from Ronaldo. To be precise again. I barely watch sports. Any. So the names of players are not gender restricted but Instagram story restricted. I keep drifting. Back to the point. Well, What if this imagination is just a ticket away. A ticket for a week away from work. (W.A.F.W) Hey! I just need wafw. Not...

I am beautiful. A really hard sentence to accept. When the night is long and peaceful, when I can hear the train, clickety-clacking its way through the rail, I believe that I am beautiful. A 3-year-old picture in my snap memories made me realize that I have been beautiful for a very long time. The adoring looks people gave me that I misunderstood made me wonder how exactly they felt looking at me being me. I politely deny and barely acknowledge the word beautiful just because I choose to think that I ain't beautiful. Today, It just took me a second to think that I am beautiful. I remember the days I covered my face when my best friend tried to click my pictures. I remember the days when I twirled in my jeans. (Yeah material girl). I remember me wearing the white and blue satin frock and my mom called me pretty. I remember the look on my father's face every damn time I try on a new dress. I remember the day I wore a saree at my sister's wedding. I've been beautiful then ...

Writing something is exhausting these days. I know I love writing and it's my outlet for all the emotions I carry. But these days, my mind is full of words wandering here and there. I am afraid that I might pick the wrong words but my heart assures that sometimes wrong words picked and put into a sentence make the right sense. This constant flow of words in my head is making me anxious. It's not easy. It's not easy to pick words, frame sentences, and turn them into something that makes sense. I am trying. I am trying to pick the right ones put into the right statements just like my life. I am trying to put the right effort and pull the right words out of my mouth. But sometimes wrong words tend to flow out. Maybe that's because of the inner scars. Inner-invisible scars! What's with these new inner invisible scars? Well, every human has been through something and they did heal from it but there is a teeny tiny invisible scar unconsciously reminding them to stay aler...

How cool is it to not feel anything? No anger. No sadness. No love. No happiness. The life of a robot is always simple. If emotions make us human. It also makes us living corpses. Some days we live life without love. We reject the love we are receiving and expect something else. By the time we go back to that love, it's just too late. Handling emotions is complex. So my crazy mind thought this! How cool it would be to shut the feelings off. Humanity switch off? No, just the emotions switch. Let me tell you how this works. You still are a human. You would mind your damn business. You would do things you are supposed to. You wouldn't bother talking to anyone or hurting other humans. It's easier living this way. I mean it's not living but frankly who are living these days. We post a few pictures on social media. Watch some movies or series on ott and then call it a day. In this process, we tend to feel guilty about not being beautiful. Bored of 9 to 6 job and dissatisfied ...

They say healing is a process. But I don't believe that the process belongs to me. What if there is a world where your healing is not yours but the responsibility of people who broke you. This one is for me. This post is for me. I am not broken. I just have some parts of me hurt and a heart of mine is having trouble trusting someone. I mean it shouldn't be this way. I know the things I deal with are nothing compared to what people have to deal with on a daily basis. What if all the broken parts of you should be mended by the people who are responsible for the damage. You are an amazing innocent soul who gave everything to a person, thing, or situation. You shouldn't be bothered with the baggage of pain. I am tired of people losing their right ones just because they aren't ready. It's not the job of a new person in your life to make you feel alive. It has to be the person that did you wrong. They should take away all the pain that you've been through, they are ac...

It's been a year. A year ago, today I started my career in the IT industry. Maybe this might sound lame but it's been a full year. A year full of surprises. I really didn't think that I would ever get a job. I seriously lacked self confidence in the final year of my college. Fortunately, I could get one. When I was writing an online recruitment exam, my phone started beeping, I looked at it and found that I got placed. There were messages like congratulations! You finally made it! Yay And I was like thank you! Yeah I made it ! Blah-blah! I went to my mom and told her I got placed and the rest is history. While working as an intern in my very first job, I was scared to death. I couldn't comprehend things that the trainer was trying to convey. It was hard for me to learn things, manage college and have good quality me-time. The only me- time I had was like cry time. I used to write 3 hours of exams every weekend and I also tried for other companies. There was a day where ...

Failure. Interesting. A friend of mine asked me to write something about failing and I said I'll give it a try. So here we go. I take up suggestions. I have a very big heart so increase my views, you dummies! Okay so jokes apart, this is a serious discussion and if you want to get offended, please do. Okay Jennifer, let's get this over with. Life is easy with a nice job, a two-bedroom rented house, a weekend ride to the market, and a good movie on the ott every Sunday. Every Monday, your job is a pain in the arse and so is your boss. When you take your kids to the park, they play with sand and cover themselves in mud. This is life. It's easy with eyes closed, hearts cold, and days blurred. Keep this aside for a while. Imagine this. You are working in your office. You are the boss. You work even on weekends. You have tons of lazy-ass employees. There are deadlines to meet and pressure is cooking up. You have no family time and you can barely afford sleep, let alone a movie. ...

Why is every moment dull or not full of life?! I mean okay you can be sad about a couple of things but not always. Find solutions to your problems. I can sit all day in my room doing nothing, rolling on the bed and sulking that I should be the person that's having fun on insta. Staring at some amazing person having a good hair day, thinking that my hair should be thick, long, and dark. Some gorgeous woman walks by and I accuse myself of not being that beautiful. I know shitty right! But you no less. You are just like me in silence. In the alone time, the basic me time, we use it to insult ourselves. So that stops now and manifestation begins right this instance. “It’s about drive, it’s about power, we stay hungry, we devour Put in the work, put in the hours and take what’s ours” Stop being a baby. You are a grown-ass person crying in private. So you have enough brain and mobile data to find solutions to your problems. Don't want to work then think of something really good; just...

Make a wish in 10 seconds. I know it's been a very long time. How do I know it? Yesterday my mom asked me, "why aren't you writing anything?" So yeah, here I am again. Yes, I am now. Deal with it, Jennifer and Peter. I hate those names. Jennifer and Peter. I don't know why. Well, back to the point.  Yesterday, when I was watching Instagram reels, I found this. "Make a wish in 10 seconds." Ten seconds is a lot of time and a lot less at the same time. I panicked. I don't know. There isn't one thing that came to my mind. I know! Strange. I could wish for love, money, world peace, no corona anymore, permanent work from home, a better package, a nice house, an awesome car, or a goddamn bike. Nothing. Just nothing. In those 10 seconds, I didn't want anything. All these things I want or need are just passing clouds in my head in my free time. I did not know how to comprehend this situation.  I wanted to know why I did not wish for something.  It...

I turned 22, you guys! Life-changing things are happening around me. This post might not be the one you want, but this blog is just me having a conversation with myself. I am in a good place. There is a roof on my head, no scarcity of basic needs, a job in a renowned company, decent pay, and a life that is a dream to many others.  I am grateful. I am genuinely happy. No, I am just lying about the happy thing. I do not know. I am just searching for something better. What? Just kidding though! I do not know what I am looking for in life! I want myself to be happy. I want to do something that I am proud of and do something that I want and need. I want to prove to myself that I am worthy and not to the world. I want to work. Work my arse off. I want to create. I want to earn. I want to build things; contribute to society; by society, I mean nature. I want to do the things that matter. I do not want to feel jealous when someone else is living the dream that I am living in my dreams at n...